Hidden Thoughts About You
by Kurokawa
Summary: [Xenosaga] (yaoi) Gaignun admitts to himself that he likes Rubedo, but just as he wants to tell him, MOMO comes into the scene.
1. Controlling My Selfish Thoughts

Title: HIdden Thoughts About You  
  
Author: Kurokawa/Shinichiro/Niki-sama/Oreo-sama/Billie Dammit  
  
Warnings: Yaoi-ness! (boyxboy) If you don't like that kinda stuff, don't read it!  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own Xenosaga or any or it's characters even though I want to.   
  
Chapter 1: Controlling my Selfish Thoughts  
  
There he was. My friend, my ally, my desire. I could not keep my thoughts away from him, for he knew everything I was thinking. Was it possible that he could know? He is such a lively person that he would probably have made a big deal out of it and yell it out for the whole Kukai Foundation to know. In that case, Rubedo probably had no clue that I, Gaignun Kukai, had the most awkward crush on him.   
  
Rubedo had always been with me, as long as I knew I was alive. Sure, I had friends everywhere I looked, but that wasn't enough for me. I wanted Rubedo to notice me as not just a friend, and defiantly not his father. I wanted to be the light in his big, crystal blue eyes. I wanted to be able to embrace him and he would embrace me back. It was a fools' desire, though. Mary and Shelly would agree that it was stupid. Rubedo is just so perfect, and yet so untouchable. His personality is fierce and strong and if anything happened to taint it, I'd blame myself.  
  
Yes, a fool's dream.  
  
My screen turned on as my face was shown on the bridge to talk to Rubedo, who had called me up. As I even looked at the bright red hair tossing around his sweet face the memories of the past were renewed in my head.  
  
"I'll call you Gaignun." I remembered Rubedo telling me.  
  
"You mean," a younger me had said, "like our cat? You wanna give me a cat's name?" Rubedo looked away for a second.  
  
"Well, I like it. It suits you." Rubedo smiled, making an adorable expression. I had paused for a moment.  
  
"What is that supposed to mean?" I recall whining. Rubedo walked away a bit.   
  
"Well, you have black hair like Gaignun...and...." Rubedo turned around, an even cuter smile on his face, "and you're really cuddly and cute!"  
  
I had paused at that moment, wondering how to receive that. Then, Rubedo started to walk away again when I got up really fast and ran towards him, wrapping my arms around his neck.  
  
"Rubedo..." I said, he turned his head around, "I...I like the name too."  
  
The memories were nice and simple, unlike now where there were profits and Gnosis battles and complications at every turn. Not only that, but Helmer was now talking about U-DO reawakening. That was sure to mean that Rubedo and I would be involved with Albedo somehow.   
  
I didn't want any of that. Selfishly inside I wanted me and Rubedo alone again. With each other.   
  
"Hey Gaignun, I'm glad you answered." Rubedo said, bringing back into reality.  
  
"Well, what do you need?" I asked, in the same manner as always, easily hiding my feelings.   
  
"It looks as though our 100-seres Realians are picking up the signal or a civilian ship under attack by a lot of Gnosis. Don't you think we should help them?" Rubedo's cute smile flashed on his face for another second, making me smile back.  
  
"I don't know why you even bothered to ask." I said calmly. Rubedo nodded his head.  
  
"That's what I thought." Rubedo looked back out towards the space in front of him.  
  
"Ready, everyone. We're going to attack the Gnosis, put all weapons on-line and program back-up defenses in 5!" Rubedo yelled, calling off more commands than me as usual. I knew that the bridge was the wrong place for me now. Rubedo was the one who fought the Gnosis and made the plans. It kind of made me feel insignificant. I did everything having to do with money and recent occurrences. I would just slink back to my room and think about Rubedo and how much better he seemed than me and...how much I wished I could tell him about my feelings. That's all I ever seem to do lately. The thoughts just invade my head.  
  
"Jeez...Those guys were damn lucky we were passing by. What the hell are they doing here? Well, whatever. All guns, target the Gnosis. Cut open an escape path for Elsa and annihilate the enemy!" Rubedo yelled out. by then, I was leaving the bridge on a small elevator.   
  
As I sat down and began to relax, I felt Rubedo's emotions. He seemed to be struggling. Could it be that the Elsa was being attacked? I wanted to turn back now to comfort him, but in front of all those people and realians I was nothing.  
  
'Rubedo...what's going on up there?' I asked him telepathically.  
  
'Everything's fine. The Gnosis are gone and I'm letting them onboard.' Rubedo answered. I nodded to myself. It was the Elsa, the one with captain who wouldn't pay me back and his three crew members. It wasn't a burden to have them here.  
  
So here was my room. The bed was there but it didn't mean anything to me.   
  
"Master Gaignun!" I heard a voice from my communicator. I sat down in my chair and called the person back. It was Shelly.  
  
"Little Master told me to inform you about the capture of the final emulator." Shelly said quietly, "and our course has been changed to go to the Foundation."  
  
"Ah, I see." I answered, a small smile on my face. So, Rubedo was coming back?   
  
"Thank you, that's all I need."  
  
Shelly then said good-bye and the screen was gone. I was once again alone in my room. I would be that way still on his way to the Foundation. It's true that I felt rather alone.   
  
"Rubedo..." I said out loud, "I am not even important anymore. I don't deserve you at all."  
  
Later that night, I had a dream. Rubedo picked up a dead cat that has the name Gaignun on its collar and cries quietly. Then he was in a metallic hexagonal room with a hole in the middle where he was holding me and I opened his eyes.   
  
"Don't say anything," He told me quietly, "It's all over...everything..." Suddenly, a bright light came form the hole.  
  
"Al...bedo.." Rubedo said. Suddenly, Rubedo fell. obviously to his doom. I went to the side of the hole and reached out.  
  
"RUBEDO!" I shouted hysterically and tears flowed down my cheeks.  
  
Realizing it was a nightmare, I woke up with a start, my head hurting. Had Rubedo had the same dream as I did? It didn't really matter though, since today Rubedo decided to show the crew of the Elsa the Durandal. I didn't mind, he liked showing things off a lot. I would see him tonight though. I wondered to myself if I would be able to tell him what I thought. I doubted it though. I was able to keep most of my feelings away from him, but this one protruded. I felt as if there had to be some way for me to be able to tell him.   
  
The next day, I felt like it would be generous to meet the people the Elsa had picked up that Captain Matthews and chaos had told me about. I saw the group of people walk out to where I was in the park.  
  
"New Year's Eve is the best time to visit. The evening metropolis is quite a sight to behold with all her lights. " I said to them.  
  
"Gaignun Kukai....The managing director of the Kukai Foundation." I heard the tall blonde cyborg say. it was then I realized what an interesting group of people this was.   
  
"...Jr..." The annoying look red headed girl muttered.  
  
"What was that?" I asked quickly.  
  
"Ah, nothing. Nice to meet you." She corrected herself. I outstretched my hand to shake but instead I saw her look at it, obviously seeing the number on it, soon after shaking it. This girl was going to cause problems, I knew it.  
  
"I heard about you situation from Captain Matthews and chaos. Is everything alright?" I asked, being sure to act friendly to everyone new to the foundation. Ignoring whatever else the girl had to say, my eyes fell upon the pink haired girl next to the cyborg. It had to be the realian that I was contacted about, her yellow eyes were a distinct factor.  
  
"And you must be MOMO. I've received word from Juli Mizrahi of the Contact Subcommittee. We'll make sure you got to Miltia safely." I reassured her, bending down to her level, which was almost the same as Rubedo's.  
  
"From...Mommy?" She asked, surprised. I nodded.  
  
"Right. She told me to take good care of you." I said, getting up again.  
  
"Can I...talk to her?" The sweet realian asked. I told her that she was busy, and she thanked me anyway. There was an odd thing about this girl though she seemed to be more human than any realian I had encountered before. I didn't care, I felt like I would say my good-byes for now so that I could talk to Rubedo about everything he missed lately. Then suddenly, I turned back, look suspiciously at the girl with glasses.  
  
"No...couldn't be.." I dismissed it and went back.  
  
Later, in my room, Rubedo and I were relaxing while talking about the prototype.  
  
"That android, KOS-MOS...she's got an incredible amount of potential, you know. There's no way she's just a prototype. I'm also concerned about how she resonated with the Emulators." Rubedo said to me. I knew he was only here to talk to me about that.   
  
"The Hilbert Effect... I heard they lost the archetype, but it looks like there's more to this than it seems... And don't forget about her engineer... What was her name? Shion? I think she might be on to us...and our powers. " I answered him. Rubedo made a sheepish smile.  
  
"No way. She's just an ordinary human." He told me.  
  
"Maybe not as ordinary as you think."   
  
"I doubt it. She seems normal enough to me. I guess it's possible, though. After all, she's involved in the highest classified part of that project... The same one Helmer's involved in..." Rubedo said, going back to looking at nothing.   
  
"The Zohar Project..." I said, finishing his sentence.  
  
"Listen... Why don't we...lay off the Mizrahi talk for a while." He said quietly. I paused a moment.  
  
"Hmm...concerned about that MOMO girl, are you?" I said, in an almost jealous tone. He looked at me for a second, catching my glance.  
  
"Don't look at me like that. You think she likes being called the child of a madman? After all, we were both there when Mizrahi finally met his end. We saw what happened. You know that girl's a Realian. Her memory might be imprinted with something..."  
  
"So you're saying the image she holds of Mizrahi is a false one?" I said, starting to feel a bit more assured.  
  
"I don't know. That's why I want you to lay off when you're around her. At least for now, anyway." Rubedo said, getting up and looking at the door. His looking toward this little girl now began to anger me.  
  
"If you're that concerned about her, why don't you invite her down to the beach? I'm sure it'll help take her mind off of things." I said quietly.  
  
"Man, I said it's not like that!" Rubedo shot back. I smiled a bit as he began to leave.  
  
"Hey..." I said quietly, getting up and remembering what I got him. I grabbed the box I had and threw it to him.   
  
"Huh? What's this?" Jr. said, opening the box, "Man, it's a stainless-steel finish Makarov! With the original box and everything!"  
  
"I won it at a Lion's Heart auction. It was part of their antique weapons collection." I said quietly. I didn't think he'd listen to me but at least I was saying something. But...all I needed was to see his face then, his smile and happiness.  
  
"This isn't like you. You're up to something." Rubedo smiled.  
  
"Not at all. I just though I'd reward you for all the hard work you've done for us recently... Have I gone too far?" I lied. Rubedo shook his head 'no'. and went back to admiring the guns.  
  
"Don't go shooting that thing all over the place. Remember, you're older then I am. Try to act like it once in a while, all right?" I began to leave the room as Rubedo played with the guns more.  
  
"Sweeeeet!" He cheered. I sighed deeply. Those excuses were the best I could do. If I keep doing things like this, then Rubedo will never know.   
  
I won't let that realian take Jr. away from me.  
  
[To Be Continued] 


	2. Considering Nicknames

Chapter 2: Considering Nicknames  
  
So I let Jr. go out and play with the realian girl. I wasn't a big deal, after all. This whole thing was just me over reacting about some memories.  
  
"Gaignun...what's that?" I remembered Rubedo saying when we were younger. I had looked at my hand and shoved it behind my back, blushing.  
  
"I-it's...it's for you." I held out my hands to reveal a small bell strung with a green ribbon. Rubedo looked down at it in silence. My face grew brighter.  
  
"I...was making it for Gaignun but...I thought you should have it now." I quickly said, hoping Rubedo hadn't been as embarrassed about me as I had been. But then Rubedo smiled real big at me, taking the bell.   
  
"Here, let me see something..." Rubedo said pulling my head closer. Confused, I waited until Rubedo said a quick 'done'.  
  
"There, now you look just like Gaignun!" Rubedo laughed. He had put the bell in my hair like a hairpin. I smiled, and while he laughed I took him in my arms. He paused for a moment.  
  
"Rubedo...don't ever leave me..." I said to him, closing my eyes.   
  
"How sentimental." I heard a common voice say behind me. I turned around.  
  
"What do you want?" I asked rudely, putting myself in front of Rubedo.  
  
"Oh sorry to break up your moment there guys. I guess us U.R.T.V.s are getting so desperate for relationships that we have to start pairing up, eh, Nigredo?" Albedo said mockingly, circling us.  
  
"Don't..." I began. Albedo stopped, "Don't refer to me by that name...my name is Gaignun!"   
  
Those were common memories that visited me often. Back when things were normal and carefree and we didn't have to worry about anything. But no matter what, I wouldn't hold anything against Rubedo. If anyone knew him then, they'd know he was as innocent as he seemed, a beautiful graceful flower with a fiery heart. Suddenly, I was called up.  
  
"Representative Helmer, busy as always I see." I said as a welcome.  
  
"Well hello, Nigredo. How are things going?" Helmer answer. I gave a quick face.  
  
"Humph. I don't really care for that name." I said quickly.  
  
"My apologies. I'm still not accustomed to calling you Gaignun. So, how can I help you?" Yes, this is what I had asked him to call me for. For business. For the situations at hand.  
  
"We're currently headed your way and we're carrying an unusual package, so I thought it best to inform you." I said, in an almost bored voice. Helmer gave a sound of interest, so I continued.  
  
"We secured it from an unexpected source... the Federation cruiser Woglinde. It's an Emulator."  
  
"The twelfth one. That matches the U-TIC records." Helmer said, enthused. I would rather not be having this conversation but it was better than waiting for Rubedo to return.  
  
"Right. There's no question that it's responsible for the planetary disappearance. Assuming they haven't constructed any more, that's all of them. Aside from the Original, of course."  
  
"That's clearly impossible...now that the only man who can create them is no longer alive."  
  
"True enough... And one more thing. We have the Contact Subcommittee's 100-Series prototype." I said, not being able to get that annoying child off my mind. Helmer laughed a bit.  
  
"Now how did that end up in your hands?"  
  
"One of our passenger freighters rescued her 76 hours ago." I said, delivering information without fail as usual.   
  
"Is the ability to attract that sort of coincidence another one of your special powers?"  
  
"Not a coincidence, but a probability...as a certain acquaintance might say. Anyway, I'm concerned with what the U-TIC Organization is up to. You may want to step up your precautions."  
  
"I'll see what I can sniff out from the U.M.N. administration bureau. We can locate any large-scale gate jumps from there" Helmer suggested, showing signs of signing off soon.  
  
"Excellent idea. Assuming they have no Emulators in their possession, the odds are that they'll go after the Original sealed on Old Miltia. Not to mention..." I paused, having memories fade back into my normal conversations.  
  
"U-DO..." Helmer finished for me. I nodded my head, memories flooding my head.   
  
"I don't know what their ultimate goal is, but we can't allow that thing to reawaken again. No matter what."  
  
"Understood. We'll prepare for your arrival. I'm looking forward to seeing you again." Helmer said. That was the good-bye. Helmer was gone for now. He left me with my thoughts once more.   
  
Later on, I had heard that Rubedo was back from the private beach. I planned on meeting him somewhere near the dock, but as I came near I heard his voice.  
  
"I don't know if Realians believe in carrying charms or not, but... Here, take this. It's for luck." I looked to where it was coming from. Then I saw it, he was giving his lucky bullet to the blasted 100-series.  
  
"Thank you! I'll keep it safe!" I also heard. So...in the end is that what it comes to? He has feelings for the realian? It couldn't be, I've known him far too long for him to turn on me like that. Unless I wanted to loose him forever, I had to tell him. AN dtelling him wouldn't be easy at a time like this.   
  
To make matters worse, I'm being arrested now. That could mess things up a bit.  
  
[To Be Continued] 


	3. Trapped With My Feelings

AN: Sorry it took a bit it's still pretty dang short tho. Some more flashbacks ! Fwe! I hope you enjoy the Gaignun and Jr. cuteness. O.O  
  
Chapter 3: Trapped With My Feelings  
  
I was being help captive in a room of my own foundation. Guards outside my door, I was the only one in the room.  
  
"Rubedo..." I said to myself. I prayed that he was okay. Suddenly I stopped.  
  
"What am I doing?" I asked myself. Praying and pledging my love for someone half my size. Rubedo...his whole essence was red, his soul burned with a deep passionate fire. For someone who knew him for so long, how could I resist him? In my eyes he was the innocent and beautiful boy who had stole my first kiss. I remembered it like it was yesterday, it was a vivid picture in my mind as many things were starting to become.  
  
"Rubedo." I said to him quietly. He looked up at me tear stricken. He grabbed onto my ripped white shirt and leaned his head on my chest. I held him affectionately with what strength I had left.  
  
"Gaignun....you're alive...your alive...." He repeated, crying his heart out. I held back my tears, rubbing his back and doing whatever I could do to calm his tears.  
  
"Where is...Albedo?" I asked him slowly. Rubedo shook his head.  
  
"I...I don't know." he said sadly, "I don't know anything anymore. I..."  
  
"Rubedo!" I said a bit louder, bringing his face up to look straight into mine, "Stop...blaming yourself!" His tears slowly stopped as he looked into his face.   
  
"Gaignun...I never really looked at your eyes before..." he whispered. I blushed, not knowing why he had suddenly changed the topic. Unable to say anything back, Rubedo took the hand I was holding his head with and put it to his heart.   
  
"Ru--" I began. He leaned in towards me and kissed me gently, leaving my face beet red.   
  
"You probably shouldn't call me that...if we're going to live together." He said.   
  
After that, I grew and he didn't. I knew he had no choice, which bothered me. I shouldn't love him any less just because I look older. What bothered me now was if the girl MOMO was going to pose a threat to me. I knew that once we took her where she needed to go, we would be rid of her but...how would Rubedo react? Would he fall for the girl? Would he love her more than me? It was a great possibility. Actually. that was the obvious way for Rubedo to think. I would understand...but I wouldn't like it one bit.   
  
It was so much easier then....to love him, that is. With the foundation and the ordeal with U-DO I knew it would be a challenge. Helmer had a person inside named Lapis Roman. I gave her everything she needed to get Rubedo free.  
  
Since this whole thing wasn't a serious problem and would soon fix itself, I had nothing to think about. Rubedo was all that occupied my mind. Sure, there were plenty of things I should probably be thinking about but can anyone seriously blame me?   
  
I noticed from Rubedo's brainwaves that something around him was triggering memories. And not good ones like mine, either. Remembering things could be a difficult thing for Rubedo to go through.   
  
I clutched my elbows, crossing my arms and held my head down as I sighed.  
  
'Rubedo...'I said to myself, 'if only you were here with me then...' I paused. Ever since that MOMO child has arrived, Rubedo has been constantly away from me. Not to mention it was just around the time of my realization of my love for him.   
  
"Damn her..." I cursed under my breath, soon after covering my mouth in disgust. I didn't want to feel such hate towards the innocent realian but it was purely inevitable. The sooner she was away from the foundation and Rubedo the better. It was now my job to make sure she got where she was headed to and I'd make sure she got there. Although...by then it could be too late.   
  
What was I saying? I was thinking way too much on the subject. If only my mind could wander to the events occurring considering U-DO. It seemed to be the only thing on Helmer's mind. Wilhelm too seemed almost preoccupied with the current events. It was me alone whose mind strayed from everything else to focus on Rubedo and him alone. If my premonitions were right he would never be mine. Deep inside though that's all I could ever wish for. If anything happened to Rubedo then...I wouldn't know what I would do. We've lived together for so long, it just...  
  
'Gaignun...' Rubedo's voice resonated in my head, 'don't ever leave me.'  
  
I nodded to myself. When this ordeal was over I would tell Rubedo everything. 


	4. Without Your Fire, I Am Cold

AN: Took long again and is a bit short again but it's a chapter nonetheless. If you can't tell I'm going through the game and adding my own little flashbacks here and there. Note that the flashbacks don't actually happen in the game and if I misinterpret something through them it's not a reason to flame me, I'm just trying to write a harmless yaoi intended Xenosaga story...  
  
Chapter 4: Without Your Fire, I've Grown Cold  
  
'Gaignun...?!' I ran towards Rubedo's voice, my leg hurting and my hole body sore. I couldn't find him...I knew...that Albedo was behind me...and I feared that I would die.  
  
'Gaignun!!' I looked up, there as Rubedo.  
  
'Rube--' I murmured. Then I woke up suddenly.   
  
"Albedo!" I said as I woke up. I covered my face. I was in a cold sweat. What was happening? Was Rubedo seeing the same things?   
  
I heard Albedo's hideous laugh ringing in my head. The voices were becoming increasingly louder, 'The Song...the song is...I... Mirror, mirror, on the wall...show me...define me! I am the infinite telomerase! I am not an anti-existence! I am...the perfect chain!'  
  
"Master Gaignun..." I heard a voice say. It was Lapis Roman at my door, "The ordeal is over you can come out to the bridge now."  
  
"Thank you kindly. Send my regards to Helmer." I said, getting up and wiping my forehead, trying to not look suspicious about it.  
  
"A...nightmare, sir?" Lapis said, not missing a thing. I looked away for a second.  
  
"Yes, you could say that." I silently answered.   
  
"I'll wait for you in the hall, sir." Lapis said finally and then closed my door. So the ordeal was over. I would get to see Rubedo again and...I wondered if I would have any time with him. Would he just rush off once again and leave me alone?  
  
I walked out to Lapis Roman in my usual formal business suit.  
  
"Shall we go?" I said quietly. She nodded, and walked at a fast pace toward the bridge.  
  
'Rubedo...' I thought. I knew then I wouldn't be able to tell him...not unless we were alone.  
  
Ahead of me, Lapis walked onto the bridge first, introducing me almost. I took the elevator up and was immediately greeted by Mary and Shelly, who both wrapped their arms around me.  
  
"Master Gaignun!" They called lovingly as they squeezed my guts out. I knew they admired me for saving them, but I had no intention of ever starting a relationship with members of my staff. Only my friend, but those two would never understand, no matter how much I told them.  
  
"Hey." Rubedo said quietly, a smile on his face. I smiled too, admiration in my grin.  
  
"You've done well." Was all I said. It was all I had to say.  
  
"Ahh, no big deal... But...it sure brought back a lot of bad memories..." Rubedo said. I could tell he was trying to hide the pain. he turned toward Shion, "Hey, Shion... That girl... She called herself Nephilim, right?"  
  
"Uh...ya." Shion said. She obviously isn't used to being asked questions.  
  
"You sure?" Rubedo fired back.  
  
"Yes...but...?" Shion began again.  
  
"Hmmm...Rubedo pondered. His eyes wandered to me as he gave me apprehensive looks. I understood.  
  
"What's wrong?" Shion asked.  
  
"Well... If that girl is somehow connected to what I'm thinking of... Then things are gonna get real busy, real soon..." Rubedo finished. I left, whatever else was said didn't concern me. I might as well talk to Helmer.  
  
"They've completed their review of KOS-MOS' subconscious domain records today, and the Federation fleet is preparing to leave the area. The charges against Second Miltia and the Kukai Foundation will be officially dropped tomorrow. That's quite a job you pulled off there." Helmer pointed out to me as I conversed with him in my room. I looked intently into the screen where Helmer in his usual attire addressed me.  
  
"We couldn't have done it without you. You have my thanks. So, Mizrahi's 100-Series...seems to be quite important." I said, not being to get my mind off the realian.  
  
"Yes. I doubt they'll stand by and let her go that easily. You'd better be careful." Helmer said with finality. I closed my eyes and nodded, resting my chin on my folded hands.   
  
"Right..." I wasn't heartless. The realian was too important to just we given to U-TIC, "Now...I wonder what they're going to try next..."  
  
'Rubedo...where are you? Rubedo!' I killed them. I had no choice. Rubedo....I will get to you...somehow. 


	5. Prerequisite of Profession

AN: How's this? Can you believe what I've done? I swore I posted this chapter and MONTHS later my sister asks me why I quit the story @_@ I SWORE that I posted this. Oh well. ^_^;;; I hope you're enjoying them nonetheless. It seems the only way I can fit yaoi in lately is the flashbacks, but I put in comments from Gaignun every once in a while, I hope it's not disappointing you *snifflez* But in this one there was actually a scene where you don't know what Rubedo was doing all night! Oh no, what if I make them terribly out of character?! Oh well...What opportunities, I don't think it happens again for the rest of the game, I'm takin' the chance...oh yaaaa....things are gonna happen toniiight  
Gaignun: I love Rubedo! I confess!  
Everyone else: . . .  
Jr.: OMG WTF?!  
Err...except that. That won't happen -.-;;;  
  
Chapter 5: Prerequisite of Profession  
  
"Hey, Gaignun. I just came to drop some stuff off , okay?" Rubedo said as he entered my room. I looked up from my writing and turned my chair to face him. I don't usually get time to speak to Rubedo alone since talk of U-DO arose once more. At least we haven't talked about anything but U-DO.  
  
"Jr." I called. He looked up from the box he was packing things into.   
  
"Huh? Something bothering you, what's goin on?" Rubedo said, getting up. I should have known he'd notice.  
  
"Rubedo...you're having bad visions of the past, aren't you?" I said calmly. Rubedo froze slightly.  
  
"Ya, I have. They're pretty vivid too. They're about..." He paused.  
  
"I know." I said, "I've been having them too." I looked out my window, "Rubedo, would it trouble you to take some time to go on a walk with me?" He looked up at me and it only took him a few seconds to agree. Before we knew it, we were in an abandoned room gazing out the window into the stars. The actual walk was nothing, all we talked about was U-DO and Albedo but as I stared at the stars my mind wandered to places I usually never let it go. Rubedo turned towards me.  
  
"Something else is on your mind..." He said, also lost in the stars. I briefly looked at his dreamy gaze then back to the stars as well.  
  
"Isn't it strange? We have come so far in modern advancements, moved on and on through the universe, and have gone further than our ancestors could ever of dreamt of but...the star still bring serenity to a human's soul...why?" Rubedo looked at me a silently laughed.  
  
"That's a weird thing for you to ask. You're starting to sound like a confused kid. Our emotions are no different than humans, should know that." He chuckled. I smiled too.  
  
"We cling to what we remember but we know so little. No one can know everything." I said.   
  
"Hey, you're confusing me now, what are you trying to prove?" Rubedo said, leaning his back against the window now. I turned towards him slightly, focusing on his bright blue eyes.  
  
"The phrase that mentions people's eyes alight like a star...that's a compliment, is it not? Everywhere I look there are stars and artificial earth...perhaps..." I gently took Rubedo's jaw and turned his head toward me, looking into his eyes.   
  
"I don't know how to describe you Rubedo. Possibly comparing anything else to you would be a more sufficient compliment...don't you think?" I smiled.  
  
"Gaignun? What are you saying?" Rubedo said quietly. My hand slipped from his face but our eyes were still concentrated on each other as I got up, away from his warmth. I shouldn't tell him. Not the way the world is going. It's not right.  
  
"Don't worry about it, I'm just ranting because I'm stressed out, that's all." I said confidently with a sigh. I would never force Rubedo to do anything, but then suddenly I felt a tug on my shirt. I looked back at Rubedo who has a distressed look about him, one I haven't seen on him for a long time.  
  
"I need to you tell me..." He said. He needed me to? Maybe his visions were worse than I thought...since I wasn't actually the one who...  
  
"Rubedo...I..." I began, but the words were hard to say. Love is such a strong meaningful word. Was it my place to say it to him?  
  
"Say it Gaignun. I know I'm acting a bit weird lately but you're acting even more weird, you need to get it out already." Rubedo said impatiently. That was more like the Rubedo I knew. Quick to the point, who needs the mushy stuff?  
  
"I love you, Rubedo and I always have." I said serenely. Rubedo halted briefly, getting everything straight in his head.  
  
"I see..." He smirked, "Now that is interesting." Rubedo turned away from me quietly and I didn't know what to think. This entire time I was expecting him to say, 'I don't have the same feelings' or 'I love you as a brother' but this was unusual. All I had ever been frightened of him saying, all those thought I bundled up inside were all a joke now. I can't believe it all came down to this.  
  
"Gaignun..." Rubedo said, I looked at him with a more relieved look this time, I wasn't sure what he was about to tell me. I almost felt like a child being scolded but knowing the mother would not harm me, "I think I get that what you've said was hard to say so I'm not gonna push it in your face just yet. I'll admit, I don't think it's right." Rubedo said. I nodded and quickly I kneeled down and gave him a kiss. No forehead this time, I didn't have time to bother with anything but his lips. I obviously took him by surprise, and I could tell he was embarassed. How adorable. It was a pleasant feeling.  
  
"That's all I need." I said, parting our lips and smoothing his soft hair, "Is there anything I can help you with before you leave again?" Rubedo scanned my content face and nodded.  
  
"Hey, you know I can't say anything cool like you. You ain't getting anything else outta me." Rubedo said, returning to his old self. I was fine with that. I had everything I wanted. All I had to do now is wait. Just sit and wait for fate to take it all from me, for I knew that was all I could do. But I was ready.  
  
[The End]  
  
AN: Don't say that I shouldn't end it there because note the title of the story and note what happens in this chapter. if you want any more RubedoxGaignun-ness then just ask. I'll be happy to write another story any other way. Like Jr. POV or not about hidden feeling...lemon even if you suggest buuuuut I wouldn't look too forward to it. Hugs and kisses are great but that's kinda weird considering you know...errr...height. AAAAAAnyway, that's all folks.  
Gaignun: I was sooooo out of character.  
Kurokawa: .....*softly cries then slaps Gaignun* you man lover you!  
Gaignun: ......*sniff* 


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